We don’t always remember everything from our childhood—but our body, mind and nervous system do. The way we were treated, spoken to, and emotionally supported (or not) during our early years leaves a lasting imprint. And for many adults, the effects of childhood trauma show up not as memories, but as patterns.
Anxiety. Overwhelm. Low self-worth. People-pleasing. Fear of abandonment. Trouble trusting. Difficulty resting.
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re responding in ways that once kept you safe.
What is Childhood Trauma?
Trauma isn’t just what happened—it’s also what didn’t. We often think of trauma as something big or obvious (abuse, neglect, violence), but it can also include more subtle wounds, like:
- Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents
- Feeling unseen or constantly criticised
- Experiencing divorce, instability, or illness in the home
- Being parentified (caring for others when you were still a child)
- Never being allowed to express anger, sadness, or fear
These experiences—especially when repeated or unsupported—can overload a developing nervous system and interrupt a child’s sense of safety and identity.
How Trauma Shapes the Adult Brain and Body
When a child experiences trauma, their brain adapts to survive. It may become hyper-vigilant (constantly scanning for danger), shut down emotionally to avoid pain, or overperform in an effort to gain approval. These protective responses become deeply wired—and they often carry over into adult life.
As trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk famously said, “The body keeps the score.” In adulthood, this might look like:
- Always feeling on edge, even when things are “fine”
- Struggling to relax or trust people
- Reacting strongly to criticism or rejection
- Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
- Chronic self-doubt, perfectionism, or burnout
- Repeating the same painful patterns in relationships
These are not personality flaws—they are adaptive responses. And they make perfect sense when seen through the lens of early trauma.
Healing is Possible
The good news? What was once wired in can be rewired. The brain is plastic, meaning it can form new connections at any age. With the right support, tools, and awareness, healing from childhood trauma is entirely possible.
Here’s where to start:
- Name the Experience
You can’t heal what you can’t name. Many adults minimise their childhood wounds by saying things like “It wasn’t that bad” or “Others had it worse.” But trauma is subjective—it’s about how your nervous system experienced something, not how it looked from the outside.
Giving yourself permission to acknowledge the pain is the first step toward freedom.
- Understand Your Patterns
Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, ask: “What happened to me?”
When we reframe our symptoms (anxiety, control, people-pleasing) as coping strategies, we begin to see ourselves with more compassion—and that opens the door to real change.
- Seek Safe Connection
Because trauma often happens in relationship, healing must also happen in relationship. That could mean working with a therapist, opening up to a trusted friend, or simply being around people who feel emotionally safe and accepting.
The message your nervous system needs to hear is: “You are safe now.”
- Practise Nervous System Regulation
Techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, movement, and body-based therapies (like somatic experiencing or EMDR) can help reset the body’s stress response.
Healing isn’t just about talking—it’s also about teaching your body it no longer has to be in survival mode.
- Reparent Your Inner Child
This means offering yourself now what you needed then: kindness, patience, love, boundaries. You can journal to your younger self, create rituals of care, or simply speak gently when your inner critic gets loud.
Final Thought
Childhood trauma can echo through our adult lives in unexpected ways—but it doesn’t have to define us. Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means integrating it, understanding it, and slowly, bravely choosing a new way forward.
You are not too old, too damaged, or too far gone. You are healing in ways your younger self never thought possible.
And that is more than enough.