Our earliest years shape us in ways that are often invisible. The words spoken to us. The safety we were given — or weren’t. The space we had to cry, be messy, and still be loved.
These moments form the blueprint for how we see ourselves and the world.
But what happens when those needs weren’t met? When safety was inconsistent, love was conditional, or emotions were shamed or ignored?
Many adults carry childhood wounds without realising. They show up as anxiety, people-pleasing, emotional reactivity, burnout, low self-worth, or a quiet sense that something is missing — even if life looks “fine.”
Healing is possible. And it doesn’t always mean revisiting every memory. It means gently reconnecting with the younger parts of yourself that never got what they needed — and offering it now.
What Is Childhood Trauma, Really?
Trauma isn’t always one dramatic event. For many, it’s what was missing: warmth, safety, consistency, permission to be yourself.
It might look like:
- Growing up around unpredictable moods or conflict
- Being shamed for your feelings or sensitivity
- Having to grow up too fast and care for others
- Being criticised more than comforted
- Feeling invisible, unwanted, or “too much”
When these experiences repeat during childhood, when the brain is still developing, they shape survival patterns: hypervigilance, emotional shutdown, perfectionism. These helped you survive then. But they may exhaust you now.
Science Note
Neuroscience shows that chronic childhood stress alters the amygdala (fear centre) and prefrontal cortex (self-regulation). This is why old wounds echo as adult anxiety, mistrust, or overreaction.
Meet Your Inner Child
Healing often begins by meeting the “inner child” — the part of you that still holds your earliest experiences.
This self lives in your nervous system, in your reactions, in the stories you repeat.
You might notice them in moments of:
- Fear of rejection or abandonment
- Emotional overreaction to small triggers
- Inability to rest or feel safe in relationships
- Constant striving for perfection or approval
- Feeling stuck in the same painful patterns
These aren’t flaws. They are echoes of your younger self, still trying to stay safe.
5 Gentle Steps to Begin Healing
1. Acknowledge What Hurt
You don’t have to remember everything. Simply naming, “Something didn’t feel safe when I needed it most,” breaks years of silence.
2. Connect With Your Younger Self
Picture yourself at 5, 8, or 12. What did you need then? Journal to them. Hold a photo. Say, “I see you. I’m here.”
3. Practise Reparenting
As the adult, you can now give yourself what you didn’t receive: boundaries, kindness, routines, permission to rest, space to play. Over time, this rebuilds trust within.
4. Let Yourself Feel, Without Getting Lost
Old emotions live in the body — grief in the chest, anger in the jaw, fear in the stomach. Somatic practices (breathwork, EMDR, journaling) help release what words alone cannot.
5. Create New Safe Experiences
Healing isn’t only about looking back. It’s about giving your nervous system new evidence: supportive people, safe environments, habits that nurture joy and calm.
Research
Polyvagal theory shows that healing happens through safe connection — relationships and environments that tell the nervous system: “You are safe now.”
Why It’s Worth It
When we begin healing our early wounds, the world feels different. We don’t react as quickly. We say no without guilt. We stop abandoning ourselves to be loved.
Healing doesn’t erase the past. It loosens its grip on the present.
Because you are not broken. You are not too late. And the younger you — the one who carried so much — is still here, waiting to feel safe enough to exhale.
All it takes is one small step of compassion, one breath of honesty, one whisper of “I’m here now.”
Healing is not a return to who you were. It’s a return to the self you thought you lost — but who has been waiting for you all along.
Great Books on Healing Childhood Trauma & Emotional Reconnection
- The Body Keeps the Score — Bessel van der Kolk
- It Didn’t Start With You — Mark Wolynn
- Healing the Shame That Binds You — John Bradshaw
- Homecoming — John Bradshaw
- How to Do the Work — Dr. Nicole LePera
- What Happened to You? — Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents — Lindsay C. Gibson